*Be Mine*

Friday, September 07, 2007Y

10:54:00 PM

*~mix feels~*

hai...
working everyday makes mi have this bad habit...
i have been learning vulger sign all cos our erwin~
haha~
but its fun u know
i have lots of fun wking with him
cos he always scold bullshit
then i scold him deep shit
then we use all sorts of sign language
haha!

today i am in plastic theatre
still the same i a bit scared of tim
even though know he is nice person
but then when i know i in wrong and kana scold
i will be scare but guilt
recent event actually make mi kinda despair
but then still have to learn from it...
but its hard to get out from tat scene
cos i started to fear...
wat if i do wrong again..

many ppl ard mi thought of quiting...
which i was rather sad...
they say there is 3 types of person
1-wk for money
2-wk for adv dip
3- wk for fren/college

and then i belong to the 2nd and 3rd type
its hard to see ppl leaving
but then if they want to go
we cant force them rite
but to mi i will be sad loh...
really sad...
i knew i am stupid...
cos i only look forward for a stable job
stable income
a job which is adventurous
a job which is non stop
a job which is satisfiying
even though i know its hard...
we have to tolerate all sorts of things
but u know everywhere is the same
but then the pay is higher...

guess i jus have to wait for my opportunity loh
i have think before
if sister teng go...
shall i still stay??
one thing i chose to be in neuro is cos of her
i like her speech
she is veri smart
her intelligent impress mi lot
even though i am afraid to tok to her
but she is veri motherly
always looking for opportunity for us junior to double scrub
a sister which i always look up on
i will be sad and cry when she retire... *sniff*
then if she go...
then i will think of sister tan...

sister tan actually quite gd le...
even she and teng no gd
even she often head obique sideways
but then she took care of us
she will make sure we don get bully by surgeon
e.g if she thinks this surgeon is hard to handle
is either u double scrub
or she will deploy ppl to scrub instead
but can say she over protected sometime
or is it scared of complains
but really cant blame her
cos to her we r still babies
then entertaining surgeon is already hard core
moreover if we over bill
she have to ans to the head...

actually its not a easy task to be sisters...
tats y i have never thought of being a sister

i am still searching for another life which i want to fulfill...
i want to go see the world with my own eyes own feet...
i want to fulfill to wear things i like (but then have to be on diet!!!)

is there something i still want to be??
hmmm...
i remember i wanted to be a bake chef...
but i am not gd @ it...
thought of having my own cafe
self handmake cakes
a nice hot fresh stew coffee
the theme of victoria black white
with red cosy kosh sofa
or some food like this

~taken in fish and co~

or...
having my own room to design clothes
i like weird clothes
and then cos i am fat
normally i cant wear
2ndly is sg hardly sell such clothes
3rdly not many sg ppl accept this clothes
so i thought of expending this industries
even though its hard...
4thly the most impt point!
i don like this material they use in sg!
the moment u look @ it
its like using starch iron clothes like tat.
the boots
its in bad quality!
roar roar!
but then gd quality means more money they have to spent
tat is another problem
design industries isnt easy...
headache
can i jus design and wear miself
haiz...

complicated~

hai...
do i look like i don get trust from ppl...?
i will be sad if i found out tat u lie to mi...
really veri sad...
then i will have no mood to do all my things
cos all i wanted to do will be
sitting on cushion @ nite with lights off
aircon switch on
and stare @ the sky crying
or hurt in my heart...
then i will not tok to u
or cry in front of u
hey tats mi

next~
if u have a love one
wat do u expect from him/her??
share with mi
tell mi wat r your views

i will want him to approach mi
whenever he is happy and share his happiness
of cos not only tat
i am willing to share his doubts
i am willing to share his sorrow
i am willing to share all parts of emotion
cos i will want him to know
being alone to handle all
is jus like being throw in a dark cold place and no where to go
even though i am veri slow
even though i am veri blur
even though i am not a gd speaker
hopefully i can give him warm...
hopefully i can give him happiness...
i will try my best to understand how u feel
i will try my best to know how u think
i might look tomboy
but my heart is jus like xiao niu ren

oh ya~
regarding CYH qn~
wei don think i don know u r reading my blog loh
i jus di siao don know loh
last time u ask mi y i so worry abt *
cos i love my dear mah~
fei hua~!
tmd!
who will call in the middle of the night
asking so many ppl wats * no!
fuk somemore when i was abt to slp
CB!
of cos i am worried la!
tmd u pi gu yang loh!
hai wo bai ku yi chang
ren jia hui hai pa la
Ji dan~

of cos...
one thing is~
i cant afford to lose another person in my life
i have already lose too much things
i have cried too much
even though i am not close to the person
times think back if only i can save *
but then even if i am there...
i cant really help
which i am really sad abt...
*sniff*
(TMD *dust in eyes*)

for all events walkthrough (losing ppl, car accident which i nearly die??)
i have cherish my life even more
i love my parents even more
i love ppl ard mi even more

if i can really help
i am willing to help to save a life (or shall i say revive?)

actually i jus want my ppl ard mi to be happy everyday...
tats all i hope for actually...
knowing tat everyday ppl smile and happy
actually it jus complete my day
haha~
my xin yuan veri small ba.

i don really expect much~
simple is already happiness to mi le~

y am i saying all this?
haiz...
caili arh caili
think too muchi arh u
but caili really feel sad today
don understand y
jus feel really sad...
wat shall i do...